C-ZJ

Words Hurt. Withdrawing...

There are a couple of events that I always remember. These events serves as a check for my own actions. Learning...

First event (or series of events) was in secondary 2. It left a scar in me that hardly healed. I had moved on and learned from that episode, but sometimes I would really love to avoid that totally.

Second was in army when Major Low pulled me aside and spoke to me at the staircase. It was a waking up call. Not all things could be done the "right way". Not all things can be treated the same. No single formula can settle everything in this dynamic world.

Third was at OBS during MOE TS(L) days. It was a comment by (ironically) someone who broke the bond even before the camp ended (but that is not the point). That reminded me that we have to watch our words, watch our actions. Everyone is unique. Everyone has their trip wire. We have to be careful with dealing with people.

The fourth even happened today. I was on the offending end and the receiving end that hurt me deeply. I guess there is not such thing as joking, when stress sets in, no matter how brother-brother you are with the other party. I have learnt the lesson. A similar event happened a couple of days ago at work as well. Alright, I get the idea.

However, that doesnt mean that I deserve to be on the receiving end of a direct insult right? Honestly, I am really affected by it. No one has ever told me to "fuck off" other than when being used in army. When I confront someone, I have always tried to do so peacefully. I want to preserve a good relationship. It will take me a while...

Withdrawing... Maybe it would be better if we keep to ourselves at times. Make that most of the times...

11:22 PM
ZJ

A stroll in the park

doing up worksheets. its 8pm. lost track of time. decided to head down to coffeeshop for dinner.

eating alone results in a fast dinner. no chatting. decided to take a stroll in the park.

greeted by the fragrance of the flowers. greeted by the great breeze in my face. a cat was slowly walking beside me. one maria was slowly pushing an ah-peh in a wheelchair. in some far corner, a couple were sitting and chatting, staring at the sky at times. in the middle of the park, a lady sat cross legged, engrossed in what seems to be like embroidery or knitting. an auntie was working out at the fitness corner, accompanied by her phone, chatting away to someone at the same time. the breeze never left. it was the best 300 m ever.

sanity reassured for a while. back to reality. staring at my acer. at times blankly. mind wonders. have i done all i have to do? looking at my clothes to be ironed. looking at the pile of rubbish beside me. looking at the mess in my room. looking at the calender that counts down to 6 May. i do not have much time. reality sets in. nevertheless, i enjoyed the 300 m.

11:20 PM
ZJ